Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: acceptance: over you
Wow sorry guys i havent written for a LONG time, well things are going ok i guess...travis was suppose to move back to Wisconsin for good but his car broke god damn it!!! why cant he just leave and let my heart heal...it's been 4 months after the break up and i love him just as much as i did then...Even though for the past few weeks things have been going GREAT!!! i guess it's because i'm back to me again lol...he had to move out of his house and into that bitch's for a while which i'm not too pleased with...i hate her!!! And everytime i think about it i get so mad and just want to tell travis to get the hell out of my life!!! but then i have to remember that i cold heartedly cheated on him...that must have broken his heart....***sigh***well i need to go to bed...so my restly mind can dream of better days later guys... and to the guy who has been emailing me...i'm too infatuated with travis to even give someone else a chance...i know i should but i love him and no matter how many times i say this is that last time there's always another last try...and i dont know what it is about him, but we fit when i'm with him i feel complete...and some of you say...well you were fine before him...well the reason i was fine before him was because i didnt know what it felt like to be complete and now that i know and lost it i feel like i'm going to die w/o him....you would just have to know him...when he loved me...he loved me with his all and it took me losing him to realize that....hmmm but hopefully things will turn out for the best....GOODNIGHT!!!!

Shits hit the fan
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Chevelle: the clincher
Well, i've totally and completely lost the love of my life...i'm so stupid...right now i need a way out...i can imagine it all but i wont put it in words...it's just an image in my head...he'll see what he's done to me, one day...but by then i'll be long gone...my love is nothing to him, when it use to be everything he ever wanted, i dont know what to do...i need HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Mood:  don't ask
well sorry i havent written for a few days...i've been busy...i've finally decided to not talk to travis anymore it just kills me whenever i do. i want to be w/ him sooo badly, but i cold heartedly cheated on him i can understand why he loves me no more. i told him i was sorry, but that didnt help, i dont know what to do anymore. i know i would never hurt him again but he says he doesnt know that, that he's too scared to be hurt by me again...i love him...and i feel like i'm gonna die w/o him...i've decided to leave him w/ his last thought of me to be good...i did what everyone told me not to, and what i told me not to...he needed money for rent and of course me being worried and me loving and caring for him gave it to him...i'm stupid i know...but i guess love makes you do stupid things...w/e you do realize what you have before you lose it...enjoy every moment with the one's you love...never take anything for granted

Sleepy
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Boy of summer
hey guys:

well i had a terrible night last night, i discovered i didnt like underoath...haha...too hard core for me i guess lol...*yawn* well i g2g so i can get ready for school later!

My last poem devoted to you
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: i'll be: goo goo dolls
I wrote this today...because it's time to move on to better things and better people:

Looking in your eyes
I feel myself falling in love with you
You said I love you
And I said it too

We went to our very own special spot
For no real reason at all
We sat and talked and looked at one another
And then the rain began to fall

We could have left just as quick as we came
But no, you wanted to stay in the rain
You asked me a question I’ll never forget
Have you ever tasted the raindrops?

I looked at you funny and you gave me a sigh
The cutest look, as I wondered, why?
Why, did you ask me to taste the rain?
Well, what did have to loose or gain?

I watched you with a careful eye
And did the same as you
You were looking up at the cloudy sky
But my eyes were stuck on you like glue

I lifted my head to look at the sky
And closed my eyes really tight
Just as I thought I’d caught a raindrop
You suddenly held me tight

I opened my eyes with slight alarm
As you kissed me soft and sweet
I remember that kiss like it was yesterday
I still feel those raindrops on my cheek

I tasted the raindrops like I never had before
It was worth every second of bliss
Every time I think of that moment
I think of my raindrop kiss

We sat close together on that one special rock
And we held each other tight
Then almost as suddenly as it came
The sun came out from beneath the rain

The most beautiful colors I’ve ever seen
Came out on the western sky
The sun was setting and the moment was perfect
More than any money could buy

As the sun slowly set and the sky lit up
You began carving our names in our special rock
I told you I would never forget this moment
In my heart this memory is locked

As our names were finished and permanently engraved
We watched the sun finish its day
We slowly got up to leave this place
Which was a year ago this May

I haven’t been to that spot in a year
Where did all the time go?
I will visit this place alone this time
And I will finally have to let go

This memory will be in my heart forever
But you will not remain in my mind
I don’t know if that love, will be seen again
For that love I cannot find

I will go to this spot as we promised we would
But you will not be there this time
Why is it that you can’t keep your promise?
I know that I’m keeping mine

Never again will I taste the raindrops
The way I did with you
And when I go to this spot again
I will say goodbye to you.

Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: The Early November
Hello all:

well nothing really exciting happened today other than that Jennifer, Lindsay, and I all decide we were phycos. We have also come up w/ our own "trio" the pussy snatchers (dont ask). haha...The phyco ex-boyfriend of jennifer is still calling her and texting her. i wished he'd stop but oh well. and my asshole ex-boyfriend is still calling!!! On to other subjects...jen is anxiously awaiting the call of her boy...and I the same. Both of us woke up this morning thinking "I dont have _____ anymore!" and the rest of our day was depressing!!! But we are holding strong it's great that we have eachother to lean on. *sigh* well i have to get ready for the gym! later

Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Favorite Color: One less reason
My Song
Hmmm...well today has gone down hill...for me atleast...my friend Jennifer is doing GREAT! she met this AMAZING guy his name is Houston...She says he is everything she's ever wanted!...i'm so happy she got away from the loser she was with :)! But for me, i dont know, there's this guy i like, but i dont know him all that well. I've seen him a few times, but never really got into a conversation with him. i'm also scared to get back into a relationship, even though Travis and i were done 2months ago, i am still petrified of getting hurt again. i wrote this poem when we first broke up maybe it'll tell yall how hurt i was:

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

~well i dont feel like that anymore thank god! but 2months ago i was in bad shape. so i'm scared to put myself back out there. i know i should but i am scared of rejection i guess. i dont know why i'm a great person, everyone tells me i'm beautiful. if n e one has advice post it haha. but n e ways...i'm out for 2day unless something critical happens ROCK N'ROLL (haha matt)

Hmmmm
Mood:  down
Now Playing: bowling for soup: almost
well today has been rough. i didnt go to bed until about 2:30am and had to wake up at 9am, so that sucked. and then i had to work for my dad until four pm and now i am totally and completely exhauted, i'm thinking about renting a movie but i'm sure...i might just go out and buy phantom of the opera. But for sure after i take a much needed atleast one hour long steamy shower!!! that sounds soooo great right now. *Yawn*! well i have one week left of school and then i'll be DONE!! or for now atleast, i have 8 yrs of college ahead of me...ahhh! I'm starting Valdosta State University in the fall, and i cant wait, right now i'm trying to decide whether i'm going to just move there or drive back and forth for a while. if i move there i really dont wanna stay in a dorm! i like to have my own space...well sreggins i'm out laterz!

What a boring day
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Incubus
Well...today was OK i guess. i took my mom out for mothers day 2day because i cant tomorrow, which kinda sucks...i'm kinda bummed out right now. This weekend has been SO boring. Last night was fun w/ Jen but the night life 2day was at a low point. All my friends are working, or somewhere i didnt wanna go. Like Matt (from the band blacktop memory) and Kevin (from P.S.G.) went to valdosta and they wanted me 2 go w/ but i really didn't feel like having to deal w/ 2 drunk guys all night. and then Matt has this thing for me, and it worsens when he gets drunk...so i really didn't want to deal w/ that either. I know this is really wierd, but i hate it when guys chase me...it's fun and all but, it's a turn off. so guys dont chase girls! I like it when a guy plays hard to get, but not TOO hard to get. I have like 5 guys trying to hook up w/ me ever since Travis and I broke up. And i dont want one of them. i just hate it, right now i'm looking for a nice guy, down to earth, likes alternitive rock ,like me, (it's hard to find in south ga with all these country folk), has goals, and hasnt droped outta school lol. i mean come on is that too much to ask! haha so if you're that guy email me lol! I'm not putting my number on this thing lol! Well for those of you that dont know me. I have long brown hair, saphire blue eyes, i'm kinda fair skined, i get freckles during the summer(i hatem'), i'm not all that tall i'm about 5'2", i'm about 125lbs( i lied and said i weighed 120 on my drivers l. big deal!),i'm 18, i enjoy being w/ friends, watching a really good movie (yes i'm a movie person), i love to drive and listen to music, some people might say altern. rock isnt relaxing, but to me it is! To me there is nothing better than driving down the road listening to The Used, or Incubus...i really wanna do that right now but it's almost midnight! So i'm not. I also like to talk about really n e thing, it's strange you have to know me to understand. i like to laugh and make other people laugh, there is no better joy to me than when i put a smile on a friends face. I am a total and complete animal lover ( i'm goin to school 2 be a vet)i brake for butterflies for godsake ( ok...not really), i want to learn how to play guitar really well i kinda know how now but i'm not as good as i want to be, and the thing i dont like about me is...i'm a hopeless romantic...like how can i describe it...write my name in the sky, roses on the door just because it's wed., and this is the icing on the cake...someone who wakes me up at dawn just to hear my voice!...yah like i said hopeless romantic...i think i get it from the movies lol...well guys i'm done typing i gotta go to bed. to who ever is reading this i hope you have a great day or night!

Slow day
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Chevelle: the clincher
well this is my new blog...my last one screwed me over so oh well. new beginnings are good. well the count on how many days i havent talk to that asshole travis is up to 4 days wow i know stupid for me to keep up w/ it right. Especially since we broke up over two months ago. but when you date someone for a year and a half you cant help but call them...right? well i'm getting through all this w/ music, as most of my friends know music is my passion. Right now "One Less Reason" by Favorite Color is on my favorite list! Download it, it's a great song! So anyway...last night i hooked up w/ jennifer after she got off work and we went out driving which is all we seem to do now a days :). We ran to video warehouse and rented Phantom of the Opera, and i saw some guy that i emailed one day but he didnt know who i was haha. Going off subject i'll tell yall about that...i was bored one night and i was browsing through the msn directory thing and he look familar so i emailed him. and now i feel stupid lol i've never done n e thing like that b4...atleast he's cute haha...so n e way back on subject...then jen and i went driving some more haha, we ran to wal-mart and got some mothers day stuff, and then went to applebees where some guy kept calling Jen baby (it wierded me out), and then went by foggy bottom, around 12:30 am or 1am jenn went home and i went to my dad's house. That ended the night...tonight we're suppose to go clubbing but most likely we're not because jenn has to babysit! so oh well...well until next time